It's a Miracle!

Fennel is one of the oldest known cultivated plants. Originating in the Mediterranean and the Middle East and then spreading with conquering civilizations, it is now naturalized in much of the world; so much so that it is considered an invasive weed in parts of America and Australia.

A handy little weed, indeed. Observe, in no particular order, some of its historical and modern medicinal uses, applications, and ascribed attributes: Pliny the Elder said it helped restore eyesight. Others claimed it increases the flow of mothers’ milk. Fennel cures kidney stones, relieves flatulence, increases photosensitivity. It’s an antidote to poisonous mushrooms and protection against witchcraft. It is a treatment for nausea, spasms, inflammation, hiccups, liver problems, lung congestion, bloating. Fleas hate fennel. It is a symbol of heroism, aids longevity, embodies flattery, is an aphrodisiac, a rejuvenator, suppresses appetite, stimulates appetite, is a diuretic, antioxidant, prevents cancer, gives strength, overcomes hunger, averts gout, bolsters courage, aggravates dermatitis.

And that’s just a sample of the first page of something like six million google results. I don’t have that kind of time. One of you jobless, filthy, web hippies can read all of them and get back to me. Don’t let me know what you find out.

Oh, one more thing, the Italian word for fennel is finocchio. Why should you care? Finocchio is also, through some cultural wormhole I don’t understand, the Italian insult equivalent of calling someone gay. Immature? Most likely. Useful? You tell me how useful the next time some asshole in an Armani suit riding a Vespa cuts you off.

Also, fennel makes a nice salad.



While fennel is primarily a winter vegetable, it is usually available year round in baby form. It is sometimes called “anise” in American markets. I serve this salad with sticky, rich, braised meats as a sharp counterpoint. It works equally well as cool, summer picnic fare.

1 large bulb fennel, sliced paper thin (use a mandolin if you have one)
1 small red onion sliced just as thin
30 ish whole green olives
1 or 2 stalks curly-leaf parsley (out of cooking fashion, I know)
3 tablespoons good olive oil
juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper

Pick the small bunches of parsley from the tips of your stalks and mix them with the onions and fennel. Dress with lemon juice to keep fennel from browning. Crush the olives and remove the pits. Mix olives into salad, season, and finish with olive oil just before serving. Salt (including salt from the olives) will draw moisture from the fennel, making the salad limp and soggy; finish this dish at the last possible second.