In Defence of an American Classic

I have a confession to make. Recently, whilst trapped in an airport, faced with an overwhelming variety of underwhelming eateries, I ate a fast food cheeseburger. Shock, I know. I can only imagine what you are thinking about how my standards have slipped.

Even worse, I can honestly say the burger didn’t taste bad. Neither, however, did it taste good. It was, in fact, completely devoid of any kind of flavor, with the exception of the gherkin. This must be some sort of marvel of modern food science. How is it possible to make grilled meat, melted cheese, and a buttery bread roll taste like so much styrofoam? At least styrofoam has a bit of bite.

I can’t believe people like this stuff. I watched them, sitting in the departure terminal, mindlessly chewing away on a meal that tastes not unlike recycled paper pulp. As I contemplated the merits of this novel new use for office byproducts, I couldn’t help wondering how much processing must be involved in wringing the tastiness from this American classic. How is it that no one seems upset?

If, for instance, someone where to mass-produce and flog a flavorless cassoulet in France, or if a chain of drive-through pasta joints opened in Italy serving pallid ragouts over flaccid pasta, there would be riots. (To be fair, the French love a riot and will take to the streets if someone sneezes and the Italians are far too lackadaisical and unorganized to stage any kind of good riot, especially if it interferes with nap time.)

Why then is it ok for anyone to serve these bastardized piles of factory waste and call them hamburgers? I’m not suggesting you and a local gang of enraged, fork-wielding foodies go burn down your local McDonald’s (though I’ll conveniently look the other way if you so choose) but you should definitely send them a tersely worded email or something.

The experience left me craving a real burger.

Cheeseburger with Oven-Fries



Cheeseburger

300g burger mince
1 large brown onion, fine brunios
1 very ripe tomato, sliced
4 leaves crispy iceberg lettuce
2 cornichons, sliced
6 thin slices of a good melting chest (I use fontina)
2 burger buns, or lovely fresh-baked rolls
ketchup
mayonnaise

Sauté the Onions over medium heat in some oil until they caramelize. Set aside. Divide the mince into two balls and flatten into very thin disks that are slightly larger than the circumference of your bun – they will shrink when you cook them. Heavily salt and pepper both sides of the meat just before cooking. In a hot pan, using a little oil, cook the patty on one side until it is deep brown – gray meat tastes as bad as it looks. Flip the meat and lay the cheese on the cooked side so that it begins to melt. Meanwhile, lightly toast the buns under the grill (broiler). Begin to assemble the burger. On the bottom half of the bun smear the caramelized onions, transfer the cooked patty from the pan and top with lettuce, tomato, cornichons, and ridiculous amounts of ketchup and mayonnaise.

Oven-Fries

2 large baking potatoes, skin on, cut into fries
sea salt flakes

Preheat oven to 250º C (480º F) or as close to as your oven will go. Place fries into a small pot, cover with water and bring to a boil. Simmer for a few minuets until they are just soft. Drain and toss gently with vegetable oil, trying not to break them up. Place on a baking try lined with baking paper, salt and bake until crispy and brown, 20 – 30 minuets.